Contact Me

Or, fill out this form and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.

First Name *
Last Name *
Email *
Why are you contacting me? *

You're very kind. I love hearing kind words and they keep me going. Maybe think about a donation?

Lovely of you to think of me. Yes, I do take on limited projects, but know that I am selective, and rarely offer discounts anymore. If that's okay with you, write me a message and tell me a bit about what you'd like to do, as well as a time you're available for a chat.

If I can't take it on, I will try to refer you to someone who can.

Hey, fuck off. It ain't my first rodeo, pal. If you proceed, prepare to be reported. But hey, go right ahead. It's your wasted time because by selecting this option, it goes straight into the trash. Dickhead. Here's a gift from me.

If you somehow found your way past the ReCaptcha, well done. But I don't want any. I know SEO. In fact, it is my top recommended skill on LinkedIn, for some stupid reason (because fucktards be fucktarding). I built this website myself and I can guarantee it is better than anything you can do.

Also, I don't have a dick for enlargements, Cialis or any other concock-tions. Ray Bans are for Scientologists. No, you can not book me for a fucking Zoom call unless you're paying me $300 an hour. Fuck off.

Awesome. Once you Submit this form you'll be directed to the checkout.

Amount (AUD):
Would you like to Subscribe to my newsletter?